The Friend Z O N E

This perspective is coming from a woman’s eyes – not on behalf of all women just me personally. 

This term we use ‘friendzoned’ has become such a disrespect to most men. I’ve apparently friendzoned men without realizing the slap in the face it is to have done so. For example, lets say I just met a guy, we’ve been chatting a couple of days and he wants to meet up. Before I do so, I want to know his intentions. I’d like to know the type of situation I’m getting myself into before I subject myself to it. He replies that it’s more of a date or could possibly lean towards a date if the feelings are right. I find this off-putting because lets say I have felt like we’ve developed a decent friendship and I’m not even interested in dating at this point in time. So I let him know, straight-up, I have no intention for this to feel like a date or move towards one. Instantly, there’s backlash of how I’ve so hurtfully and wrongfully friendzoned this new acquaintance of mine. You should be happy to be my friend? It means I like you…  Instead, it’s the absolute worst thing. To a man it seems so final based on the reactions I’ve gotten. They think I’m now just wasting their time and I’ve become a nuisance to them.

Excuse me? I was just starting, just starting to get to know you. I find it illogical that I would have made up my mind within a handful of days talking that I want to embark on a relationship with you or even be thinking about it. I’m only getting a feel for you, if you’re the sort of person I want in my life at all, let alone as a partner. Furthermore, what gave you the idea that because I’m single I’m now crawling at the chance for a date? Many people enjoy the single life – I do on occasion. Men seem to act as if just because it’s a known fact I’m single, it’s suddenly a green light for me to fall in love with them. Love takes time. This isn’t the movies. I’m not 13 years old gazing at my first crush. I’m an adult woman who’s had my fair share of serious romance, lengthy serious relationships and flings alike. It takes more than a ‘free meal’ to entice me. Meaning, most men think if they pay for the meal, you now either owe them (not in money by the way) or it’s the most romantic gesture on the planet. I should be left to swoon in my future daydreams of them as my husband while my head falls into a bowl of guac. I don’t think so.

What I’m saying is – if I’ve ‘friendzoned’ you, it’s either because I haven’t known you long enough to know you well enough. OR your preschool antics to do not impress me. Think long and hard about which one that might be, before you get offended and tell me I’ve wasted your time. Trust me pal, that’s a two way street, you’ve wasted just as much of my time if that’s how you want to act about it.

In short, I don’t believe the friendzone to be this terrible, wicked, absurd place the woman puts the man in. I think it’s a logical, intelligent thing for anyone to do while getting to know them. I should not be insulted or punished because I put time, thought and effort into who I’d want to date.


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